What issues do you address?
Trauma survivors face some unique challenges in intimate relationships, and often their partners feel in the dark about what they’re going through or how to help.
I work with couples to create a common language around trauma, learn tools and practices to manage trauma symptoms and aftereffects, and create relationship security.
The majority of couples come to therapy because they’re fighting more than they think is healthy. Oftentimes they never learned how to do conflict effectively, so fights lead to longstanding resentments or walking on eggshells.
Here’s some surprisingly good news: conflict can actually help you to feel more intimately connected and loved! And there are proven skills and practices you can learn to resolve conflict more effectively. There is hope!
“Well, I do that because I have an anxious attachment.” Attachment is a hot concept these days, and knowing about your early attachment injuries can answer a lot of questions about why you act the way you act in your adult relationships.
But your attachment style is not an excuse for bad behavior in a relationship. It’s an invitation to heal those old wounds and learn how to cultivate a secure attachment — within yourself, and within your relationship. Learn how.
There may be a number of reasons why intimacy is difficult. Someone with a trauma history may have difficulty regulating their nervous system when they feel too vulnerable. Constant fighting can create resentment and distance, which is a turn-off. Maybe one or both partners had an upbringing where sex was presented as bad, sinful, dirty…or maybe it was just never talked about at all. Maybe you’ve been together so long that you’ve become more like roommates than lovers.
In couples therapy we’ll work together to discover the underlying issues, and address them so that you can build or rebuild your sex life in a way that’s satisfying for you both.
Don’t see your particular issue? I offer a free 15-minute consultation where we can talk about what you want to address, and see if I’d be a good fit for your needs.